I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
