This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
