i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
