I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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