I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
