i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Found your dick twin last night
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
