Christians are straight up FREAKS
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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