You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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