therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
