someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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