i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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