With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
