Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
