I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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