Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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