Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
