Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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