I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
