im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
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