Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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