An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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