fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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