You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
