So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
