we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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