If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
of course. lets lasso hookers.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
