...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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