we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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