You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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