omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
