carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just tell him i said nine months
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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