we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
