Midget sex pt 2 tonight
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
