we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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