Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
