Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
