I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
