You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
