I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
