it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
