we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
