Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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