I think my vagina is haunted
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
