Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
