I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
