Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
