Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sarcasm needs its own font
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
