Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
