Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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