Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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