I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize