I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
