i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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