Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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