I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
