sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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