Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
