one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
