Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
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