He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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