I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
