help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
