At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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