People with herpes should wear stickers.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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