Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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