you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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