He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
