I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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