She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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