The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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