I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
