I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
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