I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
