I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
